Country Fried Duo
by Noone the Virgin
Summary: Yeeeeeeee-haw! Get yer belts tightened for this wild ride!


From the hills, came two figures. Both were in fluffy yet fancy attire.

"It would seem as though we have a lot of people out here, partner." The taller one said.

"I say, it looks like you're right there, Robin!" The larger but shorter one said, laughing. Everyone looked at them from below. "Oh no. It's the deadly duo, the South's scourges, Nico Robin and King Dedede!" Said a random guy. "That's right, we're here and we're ready to do some clobberin'!" He pulled out his hammer and dashed downwards to the crowd. Everyone ran in fear. Dedede laughed. "These fools are scatterin' faster than june bugs out a bag of flower!" He suddenly tripped on a rock. He rolled down and down the hill, crashing into a building. Nico Robin was walking down slowly. "De-baby, you're too clumsy and hasty." She said. "Your coat is all dirty." "Hey- I say, don't dictate to me, Robin!" Dedede yelled. "I'm not what you call, one of those clean-handed fools now. I like to get mah hands dirty." He sneered.

The duo spent all day looting the town. Dedede was eating a mess of food in a diner. The sheriff came in. "Well, well, well. If it isn't King Dedede. He tipped his sunglasses. "Or should I say, the self-proclaimed king." "Don't be smart, sheriff." Dedede said, wiping his beak. "You talk more mess than a yuck-jawed drunk with a pint of moonshine." "Now, we can't have you and your friend causing a bunch of ruckus for the people here, now can we?" He pulled out his gun. "I'll give you a chance to-"

BAM

Dedede's hammer left a large lump on his head. "Yere mouth got you a mashin'." He laughed loudly walking out. "Hey, Nico! Where you hidin' at, baby? I'm ready to leave this town." From atop a building, was a small figure.

"Dedede! You really ought to stop doing this!" Said a voice.

Dedede's face shifted. "That better not be who I think, I say you better not be-" The figure was revealed to be none other than his acquaintance, Kirby.

"You know it." He said. "Grr, I'll clobber you! Ya hear!? You're gonna be worse off than a wad of gum on my shoes!" "Those are shoes?" Kirby asked. "I thought you were walking barefoot. The hick heir finally got some shoes!" He began to laugh. "That's it! Your tail is mine!" Dedede leapt high and went for the pink paladin. He dodged and looked for something to inhale. Suddenly, a series of hands came out from his body. "Who's this little cutie you're quarreling with?" It was Nico Robin, with her Hana-Hana fruit. "Just a lil' nuisance." Dedede said, spitting aside. "Now hold 'im good!" He pulled his hammer out. "So you have a partner, partner." Kirby said. "Yep, she's a fine girl, that Nico!" Dedede said. "You wish you had someone as headturnin' as her, don't ya?" "Well…"

From the sky, came a small figure with wings. "There he is." It said. As Dedede began to ready his hammer for clobberin' that there Kirby, he began to inhale it. "No, not that!" The figure came in with a speedy dash. "Hang in there Kirby, I'm coming!" It said. Kirby broke through the snare, now as Hammer Kirby. "Now let's see how you like being clobbered, colonel ." He said. "Kirby, you really suck!" Dedede said. "And I swallow, too." There was a mild pause, as the figure crashed onto Dedede. "What in the dickens was that?" Robin said. "I'm here, Kirby." It was Ribbon. "Wait, ain't you that lil' fairy girl that had her home ruined by Dark Matter?" Dedede said. "You remembered that." "Of course I do! I was quite the handsome stallion back then, you see! All the girls were waitin' to see this sharp face and stunning body." "If we can cut the nostalgic natter, we need to take care of these little butterbeans." Robin said. "Who's this?" Ribbon asked. "Southern Belle Dedede is banging." Hammer Kirby said, going for the attack. "Now hold on there, Kirby!" Dedede objected. "I don't go 'round havin' relations wit' my cohorts or co-workers. It's not proper-like." "You flatter me, De-baby." Robin said. Ribbon took out the crystal laser and shot it at the Dallas Dollface. She was snared by Robin's arms. "I hate to do this to you, sweetie." She said. "Clutch-" She was cut off by Hammer Kirby taking a swing at her. She jumped back.

"You'd actually hit a lady, Kirby-boy?" Robin said. "Don't sweet-talk me, Dolly." Hammer Kirby said. "Criminals are criminals." Hammer Kirby took another swing. Dedede improvised with a barrel on a stick. "You don't lay a single finger on her head, Kirby!" He yelled. "I swear you're as rowdy as a wild dog in a meat market!" "Stop with those similes!" Kirby yelled. He ran to Dedede and took a swing. His barrel was broken and he was knocked down. "And now, for the coup de grace…" Kirby charged up an attack and whacked the regal rooster on his head. "Hmm. That was easier than Sarah Jessica Parker after two drinks." He said, reverting back to normal. Robin began to laugh. "You're too funny, Kirby-boy!" Ribbon pointed the gun at her. "Give it up, Robin. You and Dedede are finished." Surprisingly, she surrendered.

The sheriff locked the two up. "Those two will spend the rest of their days in that cell." He said, adjusting his sunglasses. "Good job, you two. You really saved our skins." "No problem." Kirby and Ribbon high-fived each other. Suddenly, an explosion was heard.

"Well, looky here! It's Escargon!" Dedede said.

It was the King's snooty and effeminate right-hand man, Escargon. He was in a car with a cannon barrel on it. "Sire, I'm here! I can't believe you got caught." He said. "Well, Nico here had a backup plan!" He said, sneering. "Oh my, I just love your outfit. Though I can't really sport a girdle…" Robin began to laugh. "De-baby, you've got a lot of colorful friends!" They drove out of the jail cell. "Looks like we're going on this one long-term!" Kirby said. Ribbon lay on his head.

"Shall we go?" She said.

"Right." The two ran into the sunset, after the country cavalry.


End file.
